Canada’s Trade War “Nuke”: Pornhub Ban or Bust?
Let’s back up. The trade war kicked off February 1, 2025, when the U.S. slapped 25% tariffs on Canadian stuff—lumber, cars, the works—though oil got a softer 10% tap (gotta keep those pumps humming). Canada, not exactly thrilled, hit back with $20.6 billion in tariffs on American goods, threatening to crank it to $106 billion if things got uglier. British Columbia banned U.S. liquor, Nova Scotia jacked up highway tolls for American trucks, and it’s been a petty party ever since. Web chatter says Canada exports $421 billion to the U.S. yearly, while the U.S. sends $441 billion north—big numbers, big stakes. But tariffs? Yawn. Puzhitsky’s “nuclear weapon” is way juicier: cut off America’s Pornhub supply and watch the chaos unfold.
Pornhub: The Internet’s MVP
Pornhub’s no small potatoes. Owned by Aylo, a Montreal outfit with a dozen spicy sites, it’s the internet’s MVP for millions. The site’s 2024 Year in Review bragged about 3 million monthly U.S. visits—more than anywhere else—clocking 36.9 billion total hits worldwide last year, per web stats. That’s a lot of late-night scrolling, from Boise to Boston. Puzhitsky’s Instagram video, captioned “how Canada is gonna win the trade war” with Canadian and American flag emojis, went nuts online. Grey suit, white shirt, straight face—he played a fake politician pitching the ban like it’s a no-brainer. It was such a hit he posted a sequel, because why not milk a good gag?
“It’s not about the tariffs,” he told The Post, probably trying not to laugh. “It’s about Pornhub.” And honestly, fair. Tariffs might mess with your wallet, but losing that website? That’s personal. Imagine Canada telling Aylo to flip the switch—geo-block U.S. IPs and poof, no more fun. It’s happened before; Pornhub’s dodged states like Utah over ID laws, leaving folks fumbling for workarounds. A full ban? That’s next-level petty.
A Petition and Some Chuckles
The joke didn’t stop at likes and shares. Someone—probably a bored genius—launched a petition urging Canada to block Pornhub as a “peaceful yet powerful” trade war flex. It’s got, uh, a few dozen signatures so far. Not exactly a revolution, but Toronto’s Marc Olimpo swears it’s the talk of the town. “That’s all anyone is talking about,” he told The Post, like it’s bigger than the Leafs choking in the playoffs. Sure, Marc, sure. Still, the idea’s got legs—funny, hairy ones. If Canada pulled it off, America might not collapse, but it’d be a hoot watching folks panic.
Across the border, New Yorkers are already sweating. “If they take away my access to Pornhub, I’m moving out of the U.S.,” one Manhattan guy told The Post, sounding like he’s half-packed. Another whined, “Canadians wouldn’t do that to us… would they? I thought they were supposed to be nice.” A third chimed in, “It’s a big move. Let’s not be hasty, Canada!”—like he’s begging for mercy over a Wi-Fi signal. It’s peak comedy: Canada, the land of apologies and moose, holding America’s internet habits hostage. Who needs tanks when you’ve got this kind of leverage?
The Numbers Game
Pornhub’s pull is no joke. Web data says it’s one of the top 50 sites globally, with 115 million daily visits in 2024. The U.S. alone accounts for a chunk of that—3 million monthly clicks is just the start. Aylo’s empire, including sister sites like YouPorn, rakes in millions, though exact figures are fuzzier than a bad stream. Compare that to the trade war’s billions—$862 billion in total U.S.-Canada trade yearly, per 2024 stats—and it’s not even close. But Puzhitsky’s not playing economist; he’s playing prankster. A ban wouldn’t tank GDP, but it’d tank morale. Imagine the headlines: “America Brought to Knees by Lack of… Well, You Know.”
The Trade War’s Weird Turn
This whole spat’s been a circus anyway. After Trump’s tariff bomb, Canada delayed its retaliation a month, tossing in a “fentanyl czar” to appease the U.S., while America promised to snag gun smugglers. Cute, right? But by March, provinces were still at it—Manitoba joined the booze ban, Yukon ditched U.S. contracts, and the web’s buzzing with “trade war escalation” posts. Puzhitsky’s stunt fits right in: it’s less a strategy, more a middle finger wrapped in a chuckle. Could Canada do it? Maybe. Would they? Eh, probably not. But the thought’s too funny to ignore.
What If It Happened?
Say Canada pulls the trigger. Day one: U.S. screens go blank. X lights up with “Canada, why?!” memes. VPN sales spike—web stats say 30% of Pornhub traffic already uses them in restricted zones. Late-night TV jumps in—Colbert’s probably got a “Pornhub-less in Seattle” bit ready. Aylo might squirm; the U.S. is their cash cow, but they’re Canadian, so… loyalty? Users’d adapt—there’s always alternatives—but the shock value? Priceless. America might boycott Canadian bacon in revenge, but good luck finding a substitute for that fix.
Puzhitsky’s loving it. His video’s a viral king, his encore’s a hit, and he’s got folks laughing from both sides of the 49th parallel. The petition’s a long shot—Parliament’s not exactly debating “Pornhub vs. Tariffs” yet—but it’s sparked 155 comments on The Post’s site alone. “Ooh, Canada!” one reads, summing up the vibe. It’s a gag, sure, but it’s the kind that sticks in your head like a bad jingle.
The Punchline Stands Alone
Nobody’s winning this trade war with a straight face anymore. Puzhitsky’s turned a dull econ spat into a comedy sketch, and the internet’s here for it. Pornhub’s still humming, tariffs are still piling, and the border’s still a mess. But for a hot minute, a comedian made everyone wonder: what if Canada’s secret weapon isn’t lumber or oil, but a website that’d make your grandma blush? It’s not deep, it’s not serious—it’s just funny. And in a world of trade talk drudgery, that’s a win all by itself.
